When we love someone, we find the true capacity of how far we’d go for another human being. People in love find themselves doing things for one another far beyond their predisposed boundaries. With regards to emotion, the ability to empathise, prioritise and internalise are pushed to their utmost limits. The term ‘blinded by love’ is commonly used to describe a besotted couple who ‘seemingly’ love everything about their partner. So much so that even when things are going wrong, the rose-tinted lenses show an albeit dreary image that has been accepted as the reality of perfection.
I say the word ‘seemingly’ because sometimes what seems to be love in its purest form, is actually quite the opposite. You may have signed up for the type of love that conquers all, but by investing in the wrong person and ignoring any investment into yourself, you end up slowly wasting away till the reflection of you turns into the reflection of them – you’re unrecognisable to the people that know YOU for who you are.
Selflessness, defined as ‘an act of humility where you considers others over yourself’ tends to go hand in hand with the concept of love.The more you love someone, the more you’re willing to do for that person above and beyond your own agenda – and for the most part it reflects the beauty in selfless love. Theres nothing wrong with loving selflessly, its actually the epitome of love, but for you to love another wholeheartedly, you must also love yourself.
Sometimes you can be so fixated on meeting the needs of another, that you forget your own needs and the fundamentals of who you really are. You want to be that person’s everything so badly, that you unintentionally morph into their idea of perfection and forget you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Love is patient, kind, not jealous, boastful, proud or rude. It doesn’t demand its own way. It is not irritable and keeps no record of being wronged. (Part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
If you find yourself constantly trying to please someone you love, constantly feeling as though you fall short of their ‘perfect’ standards. Constantly wanting to be with them for the fear they may turn around and not want to be with you, then I ask you to question yourself ‘are you selfless with your love or are they selfish with theirs?’
It’s SO important to remember ‘I am mine, before I am anyone else’s’. True love should bring out the best in you, want the best for you and accept you warts and all. It should develop you into the person you’re called to be, the best version of you and not the version that suits their ideals. If you feel yourself slipping into habits that do not reflect who you are and who God has called you to be, you need to re-evaluate your life. To be of beneficial help to others, you must learn to take care of yourself as the more you invest in yourself, the more you can invest in others.
Remember: “Don’t ever stray from yourself, in order to be close to someone that doesn’t have the courtesy to remind you of your worth.” – Shannon L Alder
“The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” – Mark 12:31